What the hell!
by GruesomeEmilie
Summary: Real life situations in the wonderful world of L4D2. Ever been annoyed by teammate to the point of insanity? How bout being emotionally tormented by witches? Or having your butt cheek shot off by your comrade? Join them on a one-way journey full of mayhem


**What The Hell?**

**Written By MonsterMuncherx**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Left 4 Dead or the characters**

"We'll just go across the street and get the gas for Virgil" Ellis stated

"Mm hmmm, we'll just GO across the street and GET the gas for Virgil" Rochelle smiled

They walked over to a white pick-up truck, melee weapons scattered along the floor on a piece of cardboard. Rochelle looked down excitedly.

"My sword, my sword!" She exclaimed, she picked up a katana and swung it around happily.

Nick reached down and grabbed the other katana, he looked over at Rochelle – who was still swinging the weapon around – and smiled "Oh cool we're both grabbing swords" he commented, Rochelle looked at him confused then ran into Burger Tank, without back-up.

"Hey wait for me!" Nick shouted after her

"What, what? Why, what's wrong?"

Nick and the other men joined Rochelle in the abandoned restaurant. Coach and Ellis both grabbed a health kit and pills each. Nick was too busy watching over Rochelle to grab any medical supplies, but he did manage to grab a machine gun and a pipe bomb. As for Rochelle, well she was in a world of her own, dancing around the infected, jumping off tables and the occasional friendly fire incidents.

"Grab a gun!"

"What one am I gonna grab?" Rochelle said with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

"I don't care which one you grab, just grab one" Nick said, he was starting to get annoyed.

"I'll take the same as you"

Face-palming time.

"Let's go Joe" Nick started to walk towards the door, gun raised.

Rochelle ran past Nick and started shooting the zombies, she had missed one, and he was a persistent little zombie. "I dare ya, DARE YA, I'm gonna kill ya zombie" she screamed as she and the zombie ran round in circles.

Coach shot down the zombie chasing her. They had reached the empty gas station, which meant they'd have to trudge 2 miles to the next one.

"Aw dang it" Ellis wiped the sweat off his forehead

"I'll use my helee weapon" Rochelle said reassuringly

"Her what?" Coach looked at his fellow survivors

"Ro, your what? You mean MELEE weapon right?"

"Yeah sure, that's what I said" Rochelle ran around aimlessly, Nick just walked past her and climbed the ladder onto the motor home parked on the other side of the fence, when he had reached the top he was bombarded with infected.

"Get your ass up here and help me!" He called to Rochelle. She scrambled up the ladder and started flailing her sword around dementedly. When the infected had been taken care of Nick began to lead the group. They were flagging behind slightly, Nick caught sight of a charger behind a car; it shambled toward him while it swung its mutated arm wildly.

"Argh... It's gonna kill me, It's gonna kill ME!" He screamed. He braced himself, the charger suddenly fell dead to the floor; Nick looked behind him to see Ellis with his Sniper raised. Nick brushed off his white suit; he coughed "I was just testing your reaction time"

They continued down the street until they reached a playground.

"I'm going on the slide" Nick announced as he climbed the small ladder, when he reached the top he stopped, he heard the distinctive wail that came from a hot-tempered witch.

"I can hear a witch, lights off!" He hissed, nevertheless he continued to slide down the kids play apparatus.

"Where is she? I'm gonna go see where she is-" Rochelle trailed off, she looked up at Nick – who had decided to climb the slide's ladder once more – She swallowed "Is it a walking witch?" She asked worriedly. As if it made a difference.

"Yeah it is"

"Oh okay" She smiled as she walked off in search of the crying women. Nick had found her first; she was standing by the playground fence. She cradled her head in her blood stained claws, she rocked back and forth slowly. He felt no sympathy for this particular infected, he hated the 'witch' with a passion. Nick shuddered when he recalled his first encounter with one. He found it hard to believe that this emaciated girl could down him with one swipe.

Then his thoughts turned to Rochelle. She has never felt the wrath of the witch before, yeah she's startled loads but she has always found a way out. The witch would ALWAYS go for him even if he was miles away, or the ever protective Coach would crown her before she even had a chance to emit her blood-curdling scream.

"Hey Ro, go give her a hug. She sounds like she needs one" Nick suggested innocently

"Okay, I'll give her the biggest hug ever... Hold on one second, you're trying to get me killed aren't ya"

"Oh you see right through me Ro" Nick turned to face Rochelle, and boy was she pissing that witch off. The infected woman growled louder and louder until finally she let out her well known screech.

*Nick startled the witch

"OH COME ON!"

"Really? Nick why'd you piss her off?"

"FUCK YOU ASSCLOWN!" He yelled over his shoulder, apparently he had saw the red door to the safe room. "Shoot her, shoot her"

Rochelle, Ellis and Coach all lifted their guns in unison and started their assault on the crazed female, Nick suddenly tripped over the remains of dead. He landed on his face knocking the air out of his lungs; he rolled onto his back and aimed his magnum at the witch's head. He unloaded 2 rounds into her face; she fell to the ground with one last pained scream.

"Whatchu doin' on the floor Nick?" Ellis asked, he tried so hard not to let a laugh escape him

"Just get me up"

"Okay, okay nothin' gonna happen to yuh when Ellis is here" He pulled the frustrated Nick to his feet and patted his shoulder; Nick gave him a small smile then continued toward the safe room with Ellis by his side. They all clambered into the safe room, all but Nick sighed with relief.

Nick groaned at the sight of Rochelle randomly twirling her gun around, the gun went hurtling towards his head. Nick ducked just in time; the gun slammed against the wall and fell behind Nick. He heard a gun shot then felt a stinging sensation in his butt.

"Oh dear, my safety wasn't on" Rochelle bit her lip nervously. The conman reached a quivering hand down to feel his behind, he felt something warm, sticky what he was sure to be blood, coming from his cheek.

"Your gun... My ass, oh not my ass. Well thanks, for ventilating my slacks, Ro" He then went unconscious from blood loss.

"Well who's volunteering to patch his ass up?" Coach asked. They all looked at each other, then down at the lifeless form on the floor. Coach and Ellis both smirked when they glanced at Rochelle. "Ladies first..."

**Well thanks for reading; I'm hoping you liked it, or at least find it at times amusing.**

**All events in this story actually occurred while playing L4D2 Hard Rain with my friends.**

**Review my story, lemme know what ya'll think of it, and if I should leave it a one-shot or if I should continue it. Remember constructive criticism is welcomed.**

**Peace out from MonsterMuncherx **


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